The Precipice

I’ve been a student, in some form or another, for 19 years. I’m 24, so this is the vast, vast majority of my lifetime.

And now, I am going to graduate from college in two weeks.

That’s pretty scary.

When most of what I’ve done has laid within the realm of academics, it’s frightening to envision a world that many have warned me can be much colder, harsher, faster, and unforgiving than a world where you report to teachers and professors, rather than managers and bosses. But I do find faith in the idea that I have been prepared by myself, my peers, and my teachers above me to be the best version of myself going into the professional world.

Like I said, I’ve done a lot of learning. In my first college. journey, I learned how to control my impulses and emotions (for the most part), and found that I had a purpose in helping people- up until my failures at the first private college I attended, I didn’t really know what I wanted to do with my life. I knew I was a good salesman, I knew I had a passion for the relationships you develop with others, and I knew I wanted to create, to make things rather than only maintain or study them. But I lacked direction until I found the concept of the marketing path. Moving forward from my first college experience, I went to community college and found that I had a real desire for more. I was scared by my experiences there- not because they were bad, but because I felt myself slipping into an acceptance of a less-than-average performance on my part. It was okay to just “get by” in that setting- rather than push myself to be the best I could be.

And then I came to Western, and it all changed. The last time I had lived by myself, I screwed it up pretty badly- not this time. The last time I had engaged in tough, decisive classes, I had struggled and struggled. This time I was ready. The last time I found myself wondering where I’d go, and not having an answer- that was a thing of the past. This time I had focus, I had a desire to do better, be more, and go forward in a way that bettered both myself and the people around me.

Now, I am at yet another cliff. This one is different, though- it’s a whole different world than the one I’ve been moving through for nearly two decades. I’ve made forays into working before- odd jobs at Fred Meyer or McDonald’s, an internship at FurHaven, and plenty of opportunities to mow the neighbor’s lawn. But all that was under the assumption that they were secondary priorities- my real “job” was school. This time around, however, the real job will be, well, my job. Hopefully, it’s a good one.

For the first time though, I am not totally intimidated by what lies ahead. Not only because I feel I’ve learned things pertinent to jobs I’d like to have, not only because I’ve learned about myself and my nature as a human being, but because I’ve learned that when you move on to the next phase, when you jump off the precipice, it’s not just what you’re supposed to do- it’s because you want to do it, to become better and move forward. And I know this now because I’ve done it before. For the first time, I have confidence going into the murky unknown- because now that I’ve conquered the precipice before, I know that I can do it again.

Not to say I’m not still scared of the unknown- I am, but I feel for the first time that I have a shield, tools to handle what comes next. I have learned how to take the steps into the dark, light my own path, and become better than I was. It’s a good feeling- not just for myself, but knowing that I am capable of living up to the hopes of those around me, people who believe in me.

I’ll leave you with a quote from one of my favorite characters of all time- Uncle Iroh.

-“Sometimes, life is like this dark tunnel. You can’t always see the light at the end of the tunnel. But if you just keep moving…

You will come to a better place.“